Hi guys and gals! So glad to be getting in some guest posting volunteers- it’s going to be a diverse next few weeks! Please let me know if you’d like to guest post by sending an email to firstname.lastname@example.org! I have space for many more. Today Thursday is SATC’s “Friday” as Leo and I will be at my family reunion for a long weekend. Hooray for frequent weekend vacations…I’m liking this trend. It was ASL’s anniversary yesterday!! WOO HOO!!! Congratulations my love! I am sad I won’t be celebrating with our sponsor family tonight as Leo and I will be on the road all night.
One of my first step assignments with ASL is to write out my using/drinking history in a sort of timeline and/or to write about my last night of drinking before getting sober. My last night drinking was pretty boring and lowkey as I remember it (the tail end of a relapse), so I chose to do the timeline. We haven’t gone over it yet, so I won’t spoil our time together by giving you all the lowdown on here, but I have to say it was pretty incredible to see how far it went back, and to remember all the things I experimented with an ultimately abused along the way.
It was also pretty striking to see how much alcohol was involved in my story. Although I identify myself as an alcoholic today, I view the terms alcoholic and addict synonymously. To see the presence of alcohol in nearly every season from Spring 2001 (age 15) to Summer 2007 (age 21) was really interesting. Alcohol was never really my “drug of choice” because the morning after was always worse with alcohol than with other things. I did drink to fall asleep and to check out a lot though. And alcohol was always a good chaser to any pill or drug I was taking because it enhanced my sense of euphoria. Especially when my tolerance became really really high, I needed alcohol to help speed up the process. I was a very impatient addict – SURPISED??
I still believe that if alcohol was the only thing I was abusing I would have never come into a 12 step program at 21. It just didn’t do it for me the way other drugs did and to be honest, there was nothing wrong with binge drinking where I went to college. I hated being sick more than I liked drinking, so that also forced me not to drink heavily sometimes for days or weeks at a time. After a while I learned I could just drink a six-pack or a bottle of wine (or two) to get that buzz without needing to vomit or getting a hangover the next day. It was more like a glass of milk with dinner though, it was never the main course. But it was always present and I think I didn’t really address that in my early recovery.
I love this journey of self discovery….I never know what I will remember or what I will realize next.
What does your history look like?