This is Incredibly Hard

Happy Tuesday! Life is busy as ever with me. My family reunion this past weekend was incredibly beautiful and relaxing and I was headache free on Saturday which was nice. I wish I could share some pictures with you but my camera is at home. Perhaps later this week!

Work has been busy, but in the good way. My headaches, on the other hand have completely devoured any sense of well being I once had. I am in pain most of the time and also frustrated with the lack of relief. I feel as if I’m doing everything possible to help myself and my health and it seems to be worse than it was just a few months ago. I know I’m not in charge of my own life, but it’s incredibly frustrating not to be. I know I need to have faith and to trust in all the processes I’m going through, but the pain makes it so hard to believe most days. Physical therapy, acupuncture, significant diet changes, off caffiene and nicotine, on medication and herbs, there just doesn’t seem to be an end to it.

Unfortunately headaches are not like a cold – they are very nuanced and can change and be caused by a zillion different things. I feel like a cripple though – I can’t wear contacts anymore, I can’t seem to do as much socially as I was before and studying for my next exam seems to be incredibly difficult to do after a long day of working on a computer under bright flourescent lights. All I want to do is curl up on my couch and try to zone out before going to bed early.

I hate being negative, I hate having problems and living in the problem. I am trying to live in the solution the best I can, it just doesn’t seem to be that simple in this case. It’s so hard to be positive when my brain feels like its swelling and full of gravel. I just can’t take it anymore. I’ve had more health issues in the past 2 years than all the years before that combined. It’s a signal – my body is telling me that something is very wrong, I guess I just wish I knew what that was. This is a practice in the third step…turning my will and my life over to the care of the God of my understanding. I’m experiencing a challenging situation and as with most situation like this I feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel but with these headeaches, it’s really hard to see that light.

I miss writing about all the fun things that I do here in the city. Unfortunately I’m just not doing as much lately and/or I just don’t have the brain power to write about it…hope things start to clear up soon. I’ll keep praying.

Have you ever had a problem you can’t seem to fix?

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1 Comment

Filed under Anxiety, Headache

One response to “This is Incredibly Hard

  1. Oh geez. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this! =( I have never had chronic headaches, THANK GOD, and I can only imagine the misery you’re in =( Keeping you in my thoughts!!!

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