”Whose prayer am I the answer to today?”
Yeah right, only in my dreams…
Ok back to the relatively-serious post:
A friend mentioned this to me earlier this week. Apparently her mother’s friend wakes up everyday and says this to himself: “Whose prayer am I the answer to today?” And then he uses this to guide his day of being useful to others. Isn’t that cool?
I am not one who is big on prayer or God in general. I do believe in HP and I do pray, but it’s not the first thing I think about in the morning. And prayer isn’t the first thing I try when I’m in pain. In full honest disclosure: I try everything else before I pray. I usually pray in my head too. The first time I ever prayed out loud I was sitting on my bathroom floor screaming at HP to make my life stop sucking (to summarize of course). And really – just the act of screaming helped rid of some of the anger inside me. I used to pray on the subway to work every morning, asking God to help me tolerate annoying commuters. Lately, I really only pray when I remember to or when I have an awful resentment brewing that I want to get rid of. It always makes me feel better.
As addicts and alcoholics we spend most of our “prayer time” asking for what God/HP can do for us or for others, and not what we can do for others.
God, take my will and my life, guide me in my recovery, show me how to live.
God, grant me the serenity, to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
God, please help me to be willing to do my stepwork.
God, please help me not be a b*tch at work today, please.
God, please, just please, can I get that job? win the lottery? maybe throw in a diamond ring too? kthanks.
The truth is – we can’t ask God for material things, it just doesn’t work like that. We can ask for things like guidance, willingness, serenity, acceptance, courage, and wisdom. Still, we are always asking for HP to answer these prayers. I’ve never thought that I could be the answer to someone else’s prayer! But I suppose we all have the potential to be the answer.
In fact, I have proof! In September 2009 my personal life was in shambles and I was terrified of being alone. Someone was the answer to my prayers: Porscha (yes, she picked out her own pseudonym!). She started a women’s meeting in her apartment on Tuesday nights: The Maiden Voyage. Because she started that meeting I met (and continue to meet) the most amazing group of women. These women are now my closest friends and the answers to my prayers every day, even if I’m not praying. And almost 18 months later, the meeting still takes place! Not only is Porscha my inspiration for this blog (she taught me that sobriety shouldn’t be anything less than FUN), she gave me life by starting that meeting.
Helping others is such a core part of recovery. That’s why there are sponsees, newcomers, meetings to chair, coffee to make and phone numbers to give out. How many years did you spend locked up in your own self-centeredness? Part of recovering means being of service!
***I am sending out special thoughts (and prayers of course) in honor of the wonderful Lady E, an amazing woman from Sunday night’s Clean and Dry meeting. She passed away this past Sunday while recovering from a heart attack. She had over 47 years of sobriety, probably the longest length of sobriety in a person I’ve ever had the privilege to know. Every Sunday night she came to C&D carrying these beautiful water color cards to give to anyone celebrating an anniversary (I still have mine from my 2 and 3-year anniversary). She will be missed dearly.
Whose prayer are you the answer to today?